Astral Projection Abduction Fantasy is not a chapter in Nancy Friday's A Secret Garden, despite how it sounds. That's not to say it won't mess with your head, or your pants, though. For here, in this series of screenings which present a selection of video and screen based artworks, you are guaranteed an out of body experience and a good, solid eye-fuck. Featuring over 30 artists and content creators from around the world, the project consists of four one-week programmes, each dealing with a separate thematic exploring  online culture. I'm thinking across the spectrum of lolcats, the age of the meme, the hi-jacking of content, augmented realities and alternative worlds. Ah, the internet, that vista of vistas. Week one kicks off with Captain Midnight. Now there is a character worthy of Nancy Friday. / Vernon Steel

Dive bars and B movies have something in common - they both have that 'Oh no...oh wait, oh yes!' factor. The characters don't quite fit the usual bill, the setting screams low budget, the music is so so wrong... and you're frickin' lovin it. Kick out the Jams! launches tonight in the punk/rockabilly bar, Thomas House. A future monthly event that combines the best classic alternative tunes with the best (or rather, worst) of the B's as a backdrop. Think Beastie Boys meets The She Beast, and you've got the idea. Nice variety of beers and decent drinks promos - all served in a laid-back friendly atmosphere in somewhere that's not your local (unless well... you know, it is). Oh, and all at your favourite price - free. / Rachel Ray

So what will the food of tomorrow look like? Aersol mashed potatoes never took off and neither did the food pill. While the likes of Heston Blumenthal and his molecular gastronomy ticks our food porn cravings, the practicalities of replicating this in our kitchens mirror the failure to replicate the promises of hot fun times with those ladies who love to chat in our bedrooms. For Food Sake teams up with the Science Gallery and their Edible exhibition to bring more practical thoughts and skills on ideas such as foraging. There's demos, tastings and cooking techniques on display all interspersed with a series of talks including DIYbio boy Cathal Garvey, expect to feel somewhat humanised later in the evening as you consider the merits of a Snack Box or Widow's Dream. Win Tickets / Zach Joyce

Pull out your best poncho and head down to the Helix this evening for a bizarre and brilliant performance by those magnificent five known as The Spaghetti Western Orchestra. The night is a celebration of Ennio Morricone's music from the movies that made Clint Eastwood a legend. Sounds a little like Seasick Steve, The Blanks and... er, a whole orchestra rolled into one. They don't just play the music, no - every gunshot, spur swagger and face punch have been thrown in too. Instruments include everything from grand pianos to rubber gloves. Check them out...While you're at it, why not give the whole night a Mexican vibe and stop off at the new authentic Mexican '777' on George's Street. They've got other 100 types of tequila - the same amount of instruments these used in the set. Hmm... do I smell a challenge?! Win Tickets / Rachel Ray

The House of Still Films never stands still. Back in Africa after exploring Irish architects and their 'modernist mission' in the '50s and '60s in Build Something Modern, they now follow Tabu Flo, Uganda's hottest hip-hop dance crew. Filmed by Irish-Ugandan film-maker, Emile Dineen, who set up the Breakdance Project aimed at teaching children dance moves, it traces their journey from Kampala to Sadler's Wells in London where they were invited to perform last spring. Nightdancers explores the belief that these abasezzi are humans who mutate into cannibal zombies who feast on the dead after dark. The B-Boy moves are those of one the possessed, allowing their greatest fears enter their minds and exit through their limbs. This screening will be followed by an interview with Emile and those restless Still Filmers. (part of JDIFF) / Michael McDermott

You know you had a good night out when you wake up with Panda eyes, and it just so happens that Panda Party and Panda eyes were made for one another. Panda Party isn't a night of bamboo chewing and lash batting, hell's bells no! Think more 'Gold Panda' than 'Endangered Panda' on this one...the music is excellent - think retro cheese (made acceptable with the benefit of hindsight and a dose of irony) and anthems. Your lungs will hurt the next day, but you'll have no regrets. Well, as long as you don't drink too much and do a lap of the club walking on your hands. Or anything. This Panda has moved back to its natural habitat at the Grand Social since the demise of Crawdaddy, so string the streamers up, get those party poppers poppin' and be a little dance machine - 'cos it's Friday night and we're all party Pandas! / Kate Coleman

As my Mammy told me, it's always the quiet ones...And in unassuming Kennedy's they've been keeping their heads down about the grade one tunes they've had pumping in there of late. Nice'n' Sleazy does it, does it, does it every Friday, so for a buffet of wonderful sounds, an all-you-can-eat festival of awesomeness, so to speak, gallavant down to the Wolf Music Record's showcase. Wolf Music is a brave Indie record label with integrity; like a pre-Razorlight Rough Trade, Wolf Music are grabbing young talent while it's hot, and keeping it warm in its metaphorical Thermos flask until it's just the right temperature for the music guzzling general public to consume. Their Tumblr is a treasure trove. Hours of trawling feel like mere minutes...which isn't necessarily convenient, but always entertaining and full of aural WIN. / Kate Coleman

Coming on like a supercharged mashup of Die Hard and Con Air (we follow a SWAT team that gets trapped inside a tower block housing an armed and dangerous collection of the country's most hardened criminals), The Raid is the second collaboration between Welsh director Gareth Evans and Indonesian star Iko Uwais. The movie is a showcase for the traditional martial art of Pencak Silat, which apparently means "to fight artfully", although that rather genteel description somewhat undersells the amount of guns, knives and general badassery this film contains. Could be just the tonic after a week or so of worthy arthouse fare (and it is still subtitled in case anyone tries to question your film snob credentials). An American remake is already being planned, so this is your chance to get in on the ground floor with a future cult classic. (part of JDIFF) / Conor McDevitt

We should be BRICing it more often. We really should. And having cosied up to the C with red carpet V-P treatment at the start of the week, it's time to roll out the beedie, finger on the bindi and don those saris and dhotis. Having watched the Darjeeling Limited and read Shantaram, I can finally back it up by actually visiting India last month. It's a hypnotic and intoxicating swirl of the senses, an ever-present pulse of people and commerce. Today Liberty Hall plays host to a welcome fusion of music and dance (Indian hip-hop, a percussion ensemble, a medley of Bollywood songs, a flute duo and many more cultural cross-overs). Pop along and make sure to name drop Sister Nivedita on the door. Who she? Why none other than the Irish woman who designed the first ever flag of India in 1904. Sure we're more Indian than the Indians themselves! There's a food court by the Delhi ‘o’ Delhi too. Win Tickets / Michael McDermott

I've never been to Dublin Unitarian Church on Stephen's Green for a gig, nor for anything else for that matter. I've always wanted an excuse to go inside though, and I certainly can't think of a better reason than this gig featuring Somadrone with support from AngKorwat and I am the Cosmos. If ever a dirty festival weary crowd was bewitched into a sense of musical belonging, it was last year when Somadrone took to the stage at Castelpalooza and washed us all into a huddled stupor. Acoustics and pew-seating should be two notable improvements from the last time I saw them, but overall I want to be lulled into that gorgeous sense of musical acquiescence again and by sounds such as Reckoning from his forthcoming album. Win Tickets / Jessica Hayden

The closure of some high profile venues has led to much debate about Dublin's musical landscape. Lightbox is proof that such a spirit is not contained in bricks and mortar, rather it’s an invisible fog that swirls around our city. This tour brings together some of Ireland’s sharpest producers, and city by city they offer workshops, gigs and visuals to showcase their sparkling skills. Lightbox is bankrolled through public Fund it contributions - think of it as creative Communism or a 21st century patronage system. Post bailout, what still exists is a currency of talent - those who want to produce, promote and pounce on amazing music. Revolutionaries tonight include SertOne, Tenaka, Monto, REID, Bantum, Simon Bird, and guest DJs Nialler9 and Jim Carroll. Leave Harcourt St to it and join this musical call to arms. / Rachel Hegarty

Holy clichés! The RTÉ Concert Orchestra and New Dublin Voices are going to perform uber composer Danny Elfman’s Batman score LIVE! Well actually they will be playing a selection of music from his impressive body of work including Tim Burton's Batman, Sleepy Hollow, Spider-man, Beetlejuice and many more. As one of the world’s most prolific film composers, Danny’s work is just as much responsible for setting the tone of a film as the acting, directing and editing, so it is fitting that the Jameson Dublin International Film Festival included this in their programme. A must for film fans, comic book nerds or just lovers of good music, this promises to take the audience on a journey through some of the most iconic film soundtracks of our time. More than just a concert, this is a bona fide trip through recent cinematic history! / Frances Winston

Move over Trinity Orchestra and your homage to Daft Punk, cause there’s a new 21 piece ensemble on the block. Quaint and quirky, Kammerpop deliver sounds commanding  a gentle toe-tap, mellow hip-swagger and delicate facial upturn. Putting jazz and classical singers into the equivalent of a hand-wash spin cycle with tracks such as I’m a Communist Too!, which will feature on their equally terrifically entitled forthcoming debut album Like A Ride in the Back of an Ambulance, Kammerpop have a tops of the town retro cool about them. If stitching, knitting and up-cycling leftover bicycle parts into wraparound shawls are the quiet rage of our times, then you know girls in floral patterns will be dancing in country fields to Kammerpop come summer. Get on that choo choo train now! Win Tickets / Zach Joyce

One of Ireland’s most popular and enduring chanteuses, Camille defies definition. Part PJ Harvey, part Sally Bowles, part Billie Holiday - we could go on and on with references that all equally apply to the stunning, multi-award winning brunette. Her latest album Changeling contains covers of songs buy artists as diverse as Snow Patrol and Tom Waits and only confirmed the versatility of this self-taught singer. Her live shows are always a visual feast –and she manages to perfectly capture the narrative of the songs she sings. Pigeonholing her is impossible as she straddles such a broad range of genres, and she is one of those rare artists who can appeal to pretty much everybody whatever their taste in music. Tickets to her shows are always hugely sought after and this gig will be no different. Miss her live and you’ll definitely miss out. / Frances Winston

Are Kev and Tom like they are portrayed on the poster? Two moustachioed biking buddies? Just a couple of guys who like to do it in tandem? A pair of rides? It's not really that important because the service they provide outweighs their poster portraits. The idea is simple: people can bring their bikes to the Dublin Flea Market this weekend and get them repaired while they shop. They'll also have vintage parts for sale so it's almost like the ultimate hipster valet service. There's no more need to use the sole of your Blackspot as a brake or put up with the heavy clunk of your gear change. Maybe you just want to replace that plastic saddle with some fine leather for your tush or invest in a bell. Ding-a-ling. Eitherway, your chance is here at this bike repair stall. Look out for the Mighty Bikes sign. / Anna Logg

'I read Socrates. This guy knocked off little Greek boys. What the hell's he got to teach me?' says Mickey the hypochondriac. Woody Allen manages to slip his comedy gold into every scene and pass it off like natural dialogue. This classic film hones in on the intertwined relationships and lives of three sisters, the usual insecurities, bitterness and cheating laced with a dose of Allen's trademark existential neurosis. Highlights include Mickey's Doctor visits, any scene with Michael Caine and the underlying current of resentment that turns a normal conversation into an argument in a matter of seconds. This film begins and ends with Thanksgiving dinners. The message? Probably to be thankful for what you have and those around you. That and be nice(r) to your sisters. / Hayley Reynolds

Big week for the Band of Skulls. Their palms are sweaty in preparation for the release of their second album Sweet and Sour, not that there's any reason to worry... (the tracks they've been previewing online are getting people very excited). It would seem that Southampton (best known for the warbling Craig David) has produced an arty, bluesy rock band to compete on the Black Keys/White Stripes axis, inescapable because they're chock full of the kind of choruses that demand to be playing from a thousand radios. As if being the great white hope of British music weren't enough, bassist Emma Richardson launched an exhibition of her paintings earlier this month in London. They're wonderful, colourful Abstract Impressionist pieces with all the verve and muscle of her band's music. Big, big week. / Rob Valid

Infinity guitars was the screeching soundtrack to 2011. It sounded like an Emergency Services themed rave. And it was strangely addictive. Dressed like a naughty Home and Away schoolgirl and a fella who had skipped out of detention, this two-man band blew us away. The Brooklyn duo have a dirty, wrong side of the tracks, edgy, cutting, drilling sound. It's a bit offensive. It blows your face off. A tornado of aggressive wonderment. But there's a slight submissiveness and vulnerability in the lead female vocal alongside the cosmetic confidence. Alexis Krauss and Derek Edward Miller have a captivating arrogance,  they make no apologies, and I can only imagine that they'll set The Academy's stage alight and saunter off coolly, leaving a gobsmacked audience in their wake. Quids say it'll be a jaw-dropper.../ Kate Coleman

There is a perception that dance shows are rather elitist, but that myth is being dissipated by wonderful shows such as this. Starring award winning dance star Michelle Boulé and one of Ireland’s top male dancer’s Phillip Connaughton, this is a perfect example of how movement, when beautifully executed, can fuel emotion. Using just dance and movement all executed to original music by Blackfish, the performers take us on a journey that encompasses love and loss and fear and inhibition. The brainchild of well-known choreographer John Scott, this show will definitely help change people’s perception of dance shows, while making them laugh and cry at the same time and leaving them with memories that will resonate long after the show has ended. / Frances Winston

The idea that images can generate questions and reinterpretation through their positioning to each other lies at the heart of the IMMA's new exhibition. The photographs are often placed in jarring contrast to each other according to theme, creating an eclectic display that captures and troubles our idea of Americana, at home and abroad. Selected from the vast Bank of America collection, it’s a quirky display of the evolution of photography stretching from the 1850's to present day, featuring big guns like Gustave Le Gray and Alfred Stieglitz. The Street Photography and Portraiture section is particularly good, setting New York gang members alongside blue-eyed farm boys. Nostalgia is possibly the overall and unofficial theme of the exhibition, and if you’re a sucker for it like yours truly, then you’ll like it. / Roisin Agnew

What Purple has in heaps and droves is rawness. Everyone involved is fresh, new and quite exciting. Edwina Casey’s production is stark, set in a dark bomb shelter in the bottom of a disused factory. The action is framed by black flats running along the bottom and top, giving it a cinema screen appearance. Written by Jon Fosse, one of the most performed playwrights in the world, the play follows four misfit teenage boys as they struggle through band practice when none of them can really play. All goes further awry with the entrance of Girl, who sets hormones flying. It’s a simple and delicate portrayal of teenage angst, the anger and the loneliness at its core and the diversionary ways in which it expresses itself. The actors get a kick out of playing awkward teenagers so quite chucklethroughish. Win Tickets / Marie Claire

Apparently there's an art to being good at Tony Hawke's skating games. I wouldn't know. I beat that qwerty keyboard into shards of Steve Job's unfulfilled dreams every time and still manage to beat people who have passed the first level of Crash Bandicoot (I can but dream of such success). So...do you actually need any finesse in your fingertips to succeed at stoner-skater games? Is your 360 degree olly any better for not having pummeled the joy out of the joystick? I am taking my crusade against the professionalisation of GAMES out of the chatrooms where one harasses game-fiends under the alias 'you'renevergonnagetagirlfriendlikethat**babe*' and am hitting up NCAD's Tony Hawkes tournament instead. To destroy those pedantic brainwashed nerds with unapologetic overuse and potential destruction of the x button. / Kate Coleman

The Chinese are coming. What better way to prepare for the imminent hegemony of our fecund friends than with some of the best Sichuan food west of Chengdu. M&L Chinese, on that dismal alleyway known as Cathedral St, specialises in the great regional style famed for its use of bold strident flavours to produce deeply savoury dishes. Expect the intense umami of sesame paste, the elegant, numbing fragrance of Sichuan pepper and, above all, dried chillis employed with reckless abandon. They can be wary of round-eyes hereabouts so be sure to order from the 'chef's recommendations' if you want the real deal. Outstanding soft-shell crab, lightly battered squid, sublime dumplings. Douse the inferno with as many tsingtaos as you see fit. One day we will simply call this "food". / Mr & Mrs Stevens